As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
