Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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