It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
