Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
