this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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