Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize