How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize