I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The feeling are messing with the penis
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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