My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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