help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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