READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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