I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
