32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
