you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
