Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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