I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
