are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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