who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
