I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
