Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
