I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
