It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
