Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
