Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
