I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize