Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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