Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
