Someone shit on the floor
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
