I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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