hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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