it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
