ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
