The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
