I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
