Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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