why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
