: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
