Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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