I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
