they need to just BURY HIM!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
