Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
