I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
