isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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