i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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