The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
