you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
