4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
