K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
