Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
