no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
