first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
