Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
