I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
BRING THE BAGELS
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
