You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
