you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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