Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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