she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i think i just lost a toe
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
