I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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