he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
