I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
