i permit you to call me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
