I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
