She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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