i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
