Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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