It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
