I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
