your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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