You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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