Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
