chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
