I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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