Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
