you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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