You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
