i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
